Confessions of a Psychiatrist: D L R O W

When determining the mental aptitude of a patient, a Doctor has to ask many questions; during one such examination Dr Max asked a patient the routine question,

"Can you please say the word world for me forwards and backwards?" Obligingly the patient stood up faced the Doctor and said,

"World," before turning 180 degrees and repeating himself.

Confessions of a Psychiatrist: A Better High

'Buprenorphine revolutionizes treatment for opiate dependence.'


Dr Max: That means my patients will just prefer Buprenorphine to heroine.

Confessions of a Psychiatrist: Cocaine in Crafts Corner

Dr Max had a patient who had had come to him with a number of woes, one of which was quite apparently ADD. Before he was able to prescribe her any medications, she informed him that she had a habit of snorting cocaine.

For many psychiatrists it is normal to come across patients who are self medicating; it is also no mystery to psychiatrists and chemists that cocaine has a very similar chemical structure to the commonly prescribed ADD medicine, Ritalin. Both amphetamines the effects of these chemicals can be compared, even though cocaine's extremely fast acting euphoric high is only the beginning of what makes it an infamous class A narcotic.

When home alone, she would snort her coke and keep her cross-stitching close by, her high activity of choice. She said it would help her relax being able to focus on her craft.

One can only imagine how furiously.

Confessions of a Psychiatrist: The Swallower

There is an infamous patient in a hospital far away known to most of the staff as the Swallower. Our psychiatrist, Dr. Max, was called into the Swallower's hospital room on what could be considered an almost routine check to speak with the patient and ascertain exactly what they had eaten before coming to the emergency room this time.

It was protocol that the Swallower would have to remain in the hospital until whatever they had consumed was expelled. They had been known to ingest a variety of things (usually cutlery), but on this particular occasion they had swallowed a watch.

On his rounds after visiting the Swallower's hospital room, Dr Max turned to a resident on his right hand and casually asked, 'Why does this patient have to remain in the hospital?'

The resident paused while their brain flooded with possibilities, and the anxiety of being put on the spot took over, as it seemed doctors, students and nurses stared. He stammered.

Dr Max answered his own question, 'They are just passing time.'